I've come to realize one thing about myself. I don't like people. Now, my first post ever posted on here, I thought I did. However, I've come to realize that it was, possibly, one of those mood swings and emotional moments in my life that a girl gets every month. Being away at school, I have learned a lot about myself. I learned that the guys I like, I don't ever like. I use them, dispose of them when I get what I need, and continue on studying. It sounds horrible and crude, but that is just the way I've come to realize how I work. It's not like I'm some sort of monster, I'm just playing the game like a male would. The feelings I've felt towards the boys at school haven't been anything like I would feel when I was back home with the boys at my old school. For some reason, I had true feelings towards them. I wanted to be with them, I wanted to talk to them for hours, spend nights at the beach, spend time with them. I would see them, and my heart would ache because my feelings were genuine. Going back to my high school graduation, I saw the one person I spent senior year trying so hard to have as strong feelings as I did with them. There was a mutual understanding on how we felt, I just wanted him more than he wanted me. I spent my whole first year of college doing my own thing. Focusing on school, working, partying, living the college life, and yet, I would still find myself looking at his Facebook, more often than I would expect. Especially after it being a whole year since I've seen him. I thought, once I saw him again, there would be no feelings, at least that aching feeling in my heart would be gone, but it wasn't. The moment he saw me, called me over, and I was in his arms, I wanted to cry. That feeling came back, more intense then I expected. That feeling I haven't in a year. That feeling that I forgot how much it makes you want to crumble to the floor. The feeling of having true feelings for someone. I miss that feeling. I miss feeling like I actually care for someone, that I actually just want to sit there and just be by his side, not speaking, our knees resting against each others, just being together. So much has happened in this last year. He's going to school eight hours from me, two hours from home, and three hours from his girlfriend. A lot has happened in a year. Is there something different in the air here in Southern California, then in Northern California? Because, up north, nothing registers my feelings. I am happy being alone, but here, I want to feel that feeling of truly liking someone. Not even with this guy, because I know what's going to happen with us. And I know what's going to happen with his girl friend. The people I went to high school with are so much better, nice than the people in college. I love my friends, I love the people, they just aren't the right ones for me. I don't know, and I don't know what's going to happen, but I hope whatever happens in my life is for the best. Every experience and decision I'm going to make will lead me to the right person....we'll see.